Indecision

Indecision cripples me on a regular basis as my frontal lobes freeze like a bunny in the headlights, blinking stupidly as life bears down on me without a care for my inability to choose which way to leap.

Indecision governs my choices or lack of them, depending on how much choice I’m faced with in any given moment. Because I am indecisive I avoid having to pick from many choices, I shop at Aldi because there is one type of pasta, not many. It also makes decision making agonisingly painful at times as I cringe with the weight of the ‘what ifs’ dancing around me. Early on in our relationship, indecision introduced me to her twin sister, called procrastination…. but that’s a whole other blog post!

Indecision has always frustrated me but maybe it isn’t so bad after all? I have come to realise that it simplifies my life quite considerably for the reason that I avoid complicated multiple choice scenarios. No, I’m not talking about those awful never ending questionnaires you fill in online with the promise of getting paid 7p for your efforts, I’m talking about life…… shopping, clothing, holidays, food…… indecision is leading me on a winding, bumpy road to minimalism and simplicity, and that’s just fine by me! I am learning so much and meeting interesting people and trying new things along the way.

Maybe it is a reflection of my multi-potentialism…. I am interested in so many things, I am clever and creative and fascinated and I want to engage in so many wonderful things…. poetry, pottery, reading, writing, cooking, walking, natural crafts, painting, gardening, decluttering, planning, enabling….. that I can’t decide what to give my time to, so often I find myself dithering the time away and doing none of these enriching things!

Time alters my decision making. I perceive that I have precious little ‘time’ to just focus on myself and my own interests…. or so I assumed, so that when I have ‘time’ I panic…. don’t waste it, I must make the most of it, quick, decide what to do, DECIDE WHAT TO DO FOR PETE’S SAKE…… yep, you guessed right, there come the headlights, I bunny freeze and away slips my precious ‘time’ and I do nothing but stress, fritter (that’s a fun word!) and pine….

Take this blog for example, there are so very many ideas and words whirling around my head that I haven’t written anything since I created it as I couldn’t decide what to write about (spot the recurring theme!!). Somehow this evening I sat down and out poured these words through the keyboard while I break off every now and again to jot other ideas and themes down with paper and pencil before I lose them…. Do you do that? Do you grab your twirling, whirling thoughts and pin them down with a pencil to prevent them evaporating into the indecisive ether of your mind? Or is it just me?

Now, to publish this post now, or read again tomorrow before I hit the button? Decisions, decisions!!

I assumed I wouldn’t find the time….

Thanks for stopping by…. I have always enjoyed writing, and used to write a blog back when I was childminding and home educating in a more structured way. I mothballed it some time ago now since much of it no longer represents the way we go about unschooling ourselves! Since then I have challenged many assumptions, both mine and those of the wider unschooling community. We continue to grow and thrive as a family and I’m hoping to make time to document a little of that here…..

I haven’t written much in a while because I assumed I was too busy for writing more than shopping and to-do lists. What changed? Well after a week of poorly children and sleep deprivation of sorts, three of them fell asleep halfway through ‘The Cat in the Hat’ tonight, two are spinning in hammocks watching YouTube and giggling and my husband is watching snooker, leaving me free to…… start a blog…. finally….. funny how these little moments pop up now and again just when you need them isn’t it?!